I'm starting a blog now, so that I can record some of my pre-NZ thoughts. My hope is that in a year I'll look at this and laugh at how frightened I was before leaving for what would become the the pinnacle of my youth, the adventure of a lifetime, my story to end all stories.
For the past month and a half, I have been unable to make plans for traveling. I bought my plane ticket at the end of August, and since then, every morning I've woken up and thought "Okay...I really need to set something up..." But I've been paralyzed with fear and uncertainty. I've been too nervous to actually admit to myself that I'm leaving. Part of me has felt like a liar; whenever friends and family have talked about my pending adventure, I've always smiled and said how excited I was. I wasn't really that excited. I was scared. I was pretty sure I was doing this for all of the wrong reasons (namely, and without going into too much detail, to escape reality), and I still couldn't imagine it actually happening.
This morning I said goodbye to my sister in D.C., and she was being kind of emotional. I realized this was going to happen. And so, for the first time in forty-seven days, I started thinking. (It was also the first sunny day after five of rain, and I can't help but think this burst of optimism and ambition was partially due to the weather). I went through my budget, I emailed coordinators in different regions of the country in charge of horticultural work. I secured a place to stay in Aukland. I feel fantastic...Or I did, until I received the following email:
"...The Kiwifruit Harvest has finished and it is difficult to find seasonal work in New Zealand at the moment because there are very many New Zealanders who are out of work and looking for the jobs that holidaymakers normally do..."
New plan. Hope I can find work. If not, make the most of it. Travel around until I've spent all of my very little savings, (because what good is money if you don't spend it), come home, and worry about life then.